


Just Breathe

by lohn_jaurens



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Lams - Freeform, M/M, Panic Attacks, Poor Alex - Freeform, alex has some problems, also i love aaron burr, i am trash, i wrote something from alexs pov for once, idk ill tag as anything else comes up, its another foster care au, look - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-07-25 21:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7548160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lohn_jaurens/pseuds/lohn_jaurens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixteen year old Alexander Hamilton is just trying to make a better life for himself, and after spending the last few months in hell, the Washingtons could finally give him the break he so desperately needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello hello!  
> its me, back at it again with another lams fic, because i am lams trash  
> i know too much about the foster care system, so hopefully it should be accurate on that front  
> everything else is trash  
> im writing gay fan fiction about the founding fathers, what a time to be alive

Alexander had only been in America for 2 years and in the foster system for 7 months of that, but he had already lost hope in child protective services. When his mom told him that she had two one-way tickets to the states, he thought their lives were finally going to change for the better. For a while, America had provided them with the break they so desperately needed.

When he was fourteen a hurricane destroyed his home on the island of Nevis. The storm came out of nowhere, and no one was prepared for the torrential rain and devastating winds that tore through the island. He clung onto his mother as everything around them was destroyed. When the Red Cross relief workers finally showed up, the island had been leveled.

He wrote a poem for the relief efforts for the island, and when the people read it, they saw something in him. They saw a spark that would be snuffed if he was left on the island, so they raised enough money for two tickets on a plane to New York. He wrote his way out of hell. 

Most things were good for a while. His mom did her best to provide for them, and while they didn’t have much, they had enough. Things changed when she got sick. She wasn’t used to the New York cold, and they couldn't afford heavy winter clothes. There was a cold draft in their tiny apartment, and some nights the heater wouldn't work. When a blizzard hit, she caught double pneumonia, and she didn’t get better. She passed away that December and left Alexander all alone.

His first emergency placement was a sweet old lady in Manhattan. She slept most of the day, and left Alexander to fend for himself. He was her only placement, and for two weeks, Alexander was all alone. She passed away in January, and Alex was shuffled to a new home. The new house, The Robinsons showed Alexander everything wrong with the world, he was taken out a month later. The Kings seemed nice enough at first, but they were soon to drop the façade, and Alex was removed for “violent tendencies” 3 months later after being admitted to the hospital.

He was placed in a group home in the Bronx after that, where he spent the first two months of the summer. Alex always had a tendency to run his mouth, and at the home, that got the shit beat out of him. He learned quickly to keep his mouth shut.

Mid-July brought more changes. Apparently CPS found his father, and he was willing to take Alex in. That’s how he ended up on a flight to Virginia, anxiety through the roof about the prospect of living with a man who bounced before he was born. All he knew about his father was that his name was James, which wasn’t much. However, when he arrived in Virginia he and his social worker, Ben, were supposed to meet James at the local CPS that evening, but he never showed. Alex was disappointed, how could he not be? His own father didn’t even want him.

That’s how he ended up in a car driving through the Virginian countryside, on the way to yet another emergency placement. He ended up spending the night in the CPS office, sleeping on a beanbag in one of the visitation room. He hasn’t said a word since they landed, and he could see the frustration and pity become clearer on Bens face as he continued to not speak.

He was sat in the backseat of a beat up Honda civic, with Ben in the passenger seat, and his new case worker from Virginia driving to his new placement. She seemed like a nice enough women, and didn’t get mad when he wouldn’t answer her questions. He just watched the trees race past his window and pressed his face up against the cool glass, trying to escape the heat inside the car. The summer in Virginia wasn’t much different than the summers on Nevis, but was hotter than the summer he spent in New York. The AC in the car wasn’t turned up very high, and there were no vents in the backseat, and Alex could feel the sweat sticking to his skin.

They eventually pulled up to house that made his jaw drop. Once they got past the iron gates, they followed the long rounded driveway that was partially canopied by trees, to a large house with soft yellow siding with white trim. Normally, yellow isn’t a color Alex enjoyed seeing, but somehow, on this house, it just worked. There were two large white columns out front, which supported a balcony on the second level, that had a large American flag hanging from it.

When they pulled up to the house, Alex was hesitant to climb out of the car. He wasn’t sure what this family was like, and he was terrified it would turn out just like the Kings. Ben opened his car and smiled at Alex,

“Don’t worry son, you’ll love them, they’re good people.” Alex highly doubted that he would “love” this family, and no one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Ben had also said that the Kings were “good people”. Still, Alex took a deep breath, trying to calm his shaking hands, grabbed his backpack from where it sat next to him, and got out of the car. He walked behind both of his social workers, as they stood in front of the large door and rang the doorbell.

A few seconds later the door opened to reveal a large man, at 5’7” a lot of people tended to be taller than Alex, and this man was no exception. He had to be at least 6’4”, and he was also quite built, with large arms that could snap Alex in half, and that thought made his breath quicken. _In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_. He repeated this a few times until his breath evened out, and was pulled back to reality when everyone started to go inside.

Alex followed behind them, and looked around, trying to take everything about the house in. Immediately in front of them once they walked in was a large staircase. To the right seemed to be some kind of living room, with two large bookshelves surrounding a fireplace and a big couch and two matching chairs in the middle of the room. To the left, where everyone was headed, was the dining room, with a long, dark wooded table, with at least 8 chairs around it. All the adults sat down at the table, where a woman already sat. When the man from earlier sat down, he kissed the women on her cheek, so he’s assuming that she is his wife.

“Alexander, this is George and Martha Washington.” Ben said, as he gestured to the couple, and they both smiled at him.

“It’s wonderful to meet you Alexander, how was the trip out here? We know it’s a little out of the way.” Martha asked, looking at him with a bright smile. Alex just shrugged his shoulders as he continued to look around, still standing in the doorway. He heard Ben sigh, and something was whispered to the couple, probably about how Alex was messed up and hasn’t spoken since he arrived in Virginia.

“We have two boys about your age, why don’t we have them show you around while we take care of all the paperwork?” Alex just nodded his head at Georges question, anything to get him away from their stares.

“Gilbert! Aaron! Come here please!” George called for the boys, and his loud booming voice made Alex involuntarily flinch and take a slight step backwards. Alex hoped nobody noticed, because showing that he was afraid always made things worse for him. Luckily, Alex didn’t have long to dwell on that, as two boys came bounding down the stairs, and running past him as they went into the dining room. The taller one of the two spoke first, and his voice carried a slight French accent.

“Oui papa?” He asked as he walked over and gave George a small side hug.

“Boys, this is Alexander,” he gestured to Alex, “would you two show him around the house and get him settled in his bedroom?” The French one nodded his head vigorously and walked over to the other boy, who was leaning up against the doorframe leading to the kitchen.

“Come along mon ami, let us begin the tour.” Alex gripped the straps of his backpack and quietly followed after the two boys. The other boy wasn’t much taller than Alex, and he was glad that he wouldn’t constantly be surrounded by giants.

“My name is Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette, but most people call me Lafayette. Only George and Martha call me Gilbert though. We rarely eat in the dining room, we mostly eat here in the breakfast nook.” He said as he gestured to the smaller round table and 6 chairs in the nook just off the kitchen. They continued onto the next room, which was another living room, and made it back around to the first living room that Alex saw. From this angle, he could see a piano pushed up against the windows that looked out front. Lafayette must have noticed Alex eyeing the piano, because he spoke up.

“We have that because little Aaron here,” he grabbed the smaller boy by the shoulders and pulled him into a side hug, “is amazing at it. We must have him play for you sometime.” Aaron shoved Lafayette off of him and just smiled at Alex.

“I’m not very good, but I love to play.” Alex just nodded at the two boys, and they were about to head up the stairs, when Ben and Dolley – his other social worker – walked out of the dining room.

“Okay, we’re out of here Alex. Be good, you have my number if you need me.” Ben said, grabbing Alex on the shoulder, making him flinch slightly. Dolley stepped forward and gave him a card with her name and number on it.

“If you need me, don’t hesitate to call me Alexander.” She smiled and Alex smiled back. With that, Ben and Dolley left Alex all alone with people he barely knew.

“We were just about to show Alex his room.” Aaron said as he walked up beside Alex. George and Martha nodded.

“Alright, once you boys get him settled, please come back down here so we can explain the house rules.” And that’s when Alex knew this house was too good to be true. The Kings had done the same thing, put on a pretty smile for the social worker, but as soon as the door closed, impossible rules were put into place, and when Alex broke one of those rules, he would be punished. Alex tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat and nodded his head, dropping his gaze to the floor.

“C’mon Alexander.” Aaron said, as he began walking up the stairs, Alex followed, and Lafayette brought up the tail end of things.

“This is my bedroom, and Lafs is right next to mine. George and Marthas is at the end of the hall, and yours is right here, across the hall from us.” Aaron said, as he pushed the door to one of the rooms open, and the biggest bedroom Alex had ever seen was right in front of him. The wall directly in front of them was completely windows, and a large desk with a really nice computer was pushed up against the windows. Pushed up against the wall to his right was a huge bed, with a mountain of pillows and a fluffy comforter, and Alex imagined how soft it was, and felt like he would fall asleep just looking at it. On the wall to his left were two doors, with a bare bookshelf in between the doors. There was a large dresser pushed up against the last wall, with a small TV placed on top of it.

“It’s a little bare, but when we go shopping to get you some clothes, we can pick up some decorations.” Lafayette said, and Alex thought that was a little absurd. They’d get sick of him soon enough, and he’d be in another home where the decorations would be useless. He put his bag down on the bed, and turned back to the boys, who were both on their phones. Alex walked past them, dread growing in his stomach the closer he got to the glass ceiling shattering. He walked downstairs and into the dining room where Martha was typing on a computer with a pair of reading glasses perched on her nose. He didn’t see George anywhere, but could smell something coming from the kitchen, and assumed he must be cooking.

When he walked in Martha looked up from her computer and smiled.

“Alexander, sweetie, please have a seat.” She gestured to the massive table in front of her, and so Alex sat down in the farthest seat from where she was. She took her glasses and put them on top of her head and looked at Alex.

“Okay, so a few house rules. The first one is respect everyone in this household. If you show us respect, we will respect you. Secondly, is respect our boundaries and we will respect yours. We want to help you thrive, but we can’t do that if you don’t tell us when something is wrong. And finally, if you need anything, anything at all, do not hesitate to ask. If asking me or George makes you uncomfortable, ask Gilbert or Aaron. We just want to make sure you are happy. Do you understand what I’m asking of you?”

_What?_

Alex was stunned to say the least. These people were too good to be true. There was nothing absurd on that list, they were all things that were designed to make Alex happy and comfortable. Alex nodded his head, still waiting for the ‘just kidding!’, but it never came.

Martha smiled and put her glasses back on, “Wonderful, dinner will be ready soon. Why don’t you go wash up?” Alex stood up from the chair and went back to his room, relieved to see that Lafayette and Aaron had left. He went straight to the bed, and laid down on it. He realized just how tired he was, and fell asleep quickly.

//

Alex was woken up by someone shaking his shoulder. His eyes flew open and he flinched back from the persons grasp, and his breathing became erratic. _In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_. He heard someone trying to talk to him, but he felt like he was underwater, and their voice was muffled. He put his hands to his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, curling in on himself. If he made himself as small as possible, whoever it was would leave him alone.

 _In un, deux, trois out un, deux, trois_.

 _In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_.

 _In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_.

Once he got his breathing back under control, he slowly took his hands off of his ears, and uncurled himself. He sat up, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Aaron and Lafayette standing next to his bed looking extremely concerned.

“Alexander, oh my god, are you okay?” Aaron asked, and Alex couldn’t look at him any longer. He dropped his gaze to where his hands were placed in his lap. He just shrugged his shoulders, his throat felt like if he tried to speak, it would close in on itself. He couldn’t believe that just happened in front of them. They probably thought he was a freak, and they were going to tell George and Martha how messed up he was and they would kick him out. This was the first nice place he had been in a long time, and he was going to ruin it because he couldn’t keep his fucking emotions in check.

“Dinner is ready mon ami, let us go eat something.” Lafayette said, causing Alex to look up and see him walk out the door, gesturing for him to follow. Aaron looked at Alex again, before following after his brother. Alex took a deep breath, before following them downstairs.

When they walked into the kitchen, there were massive amounts of food stacked on the table. George and Martha were already sitting down and looked at all three boys when they finally walked in.

“What took you three so long?” Martha asked, taking a sip of her wine. Aaron looked back at Alex, whose eyes went wide and were silently pleading at him. Luckily, Lafayette spoke for both of them.

“Alexander is heavy sleeper, it took him a few minutes to wake up from his nap.” He said, as he grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge and sat down at the table. Aaron did the same, but opted for what Alex was assuming a glass of tea.

“Alexander dear, pick something out of the fridge to drink and come join us.” He nodded and walked over to the fridge and had to suppress a gasp when he opened it. It was packed with food, he had never seen so much food in his life. This house was unreal.

He followed Lafayettes lead and grabbed a water bottle and went to sit down. George and Martha sat at one end of the table, while Aaron and Lafayette sat on the same side, leaving on side all for Alex. He sat down, and saw that George had made fajitas, and his mouth almost started watering.

He made one fajita, unsure of how much he was allowed to have. The Kings never allowed him to have very much, just enough to get him by. He bit into it and suppressed a moan because it tasted heavenly.

“So boys, I’m going to leave my credit card and a list, and tomorrow you are going to take Alexander to the mall and buy him everything on the list. You can buy extra, as long as you get what’s on my list.”

“Mere, can I invite John and Herc to come along as well?” Lafayette asked with a mouth full of tortilla.

“Of course dear, the more the merrier.” She smiled, but Alex wanted to shrink away. He didn’t want to go shopping, spending money on unnecessary things wasn’t his idea of fun. He especially didn’t want to go with people he doesn’t even know. He quietly finished his fajita, while Lafayette and Aaron conversed with their parents about their days. He was quietly sipping on his water, and staring at his empty plate before he heard his name and looked up. Everyone was looking at him, waiting for an answer, even though Alex had no idea what was just said.

“Alexander, dear are you finished?” Martha asked, and Alex nodded.

“Alright, you can put your plate in the sink and then be excused from the table.” Alex nodded, stood up, and put his plate in the sink. He walked back over to the table and grabbed his water bottle and went back upstairs to his room.

He pulled a leather bound journal out of his backpack, and smiled at the familiar book. It was his birthday present from his mother, the first birthday he spent in the states. It had taken her a while to save up for and it was the only thing he got, but he loved it immensely. He didn’t write in it until she died, and then he started writing to her. Telling her about his life,and how much he missed her. That was what he was in the process of doing when there was a knock at the door.

He shut the journal, and pushed it up underneath the pillows before going over and opening the door. Martha was standing there, and she smiled when she saw him.

“Alexander honey, George and I have work tomorrow, so it’ll just be you and the boys. If you need anything, both mine and Georges numbers are on the fridge, alright?” Alex nodded. She just gave him a sad smiled.

“Alright, goodnight Alexander.”

“Alex.” He used his voice for the first time since arriving there, and Martha look surprised at first. That surprise quickly turned into a bright smile when she looked back at him.

“I’m sorry what?”

“Please, call me Alex.” His voice was stronger the second time he used it, and Marthas smile only got wider.

“Of course. Goodnight Alex.”

“Goodnight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my amazing beta for this chapter was @Tylahjayne

Alex usually wakes up at the same time as the sun. He relishes the mornings, those few moments before the rest of the world wakes up are the most serine parts of his day. He is a little disoriented when he first opens his eyes, not used to waking up without a dull ache in his back from the uncomfortable mattresses. Instead when he wakes up, he feels the most rested he’s been in a long time. The pillows are soft and fluffy, and the blankets are keeping him warm from the cold air in the bedroom.

He pulled the covers off his body, and swung his legs over the side of the bed, and shivered when his feet hit the chilled hardwood floors. After waiting for his body to adjust to the cool sensation, he got up and pulled open the long cream curtains that were covering the large windows in his room. He stood there basking in the warm morning light before catching a whiff of himself, and deciding that he really needed to take a shower.

Having a bathroom attached to his bedroom made him feel safe, knowing that someone had to go through the lock on the bedroom door, and the lock on the bathroom door before they could get to him. He made sure the door was locked before fiddling with the shower. He made it so hot the steam clouded the mirror, and that’s when he finally striped down and stepped in to the scalding water. He sighed as the water warmed his body from the outside all the way to his core. He lathered his hair with shampoo that smelled expensive, he wasn’t sure how a shampoo could smell expensive, but somehow it did. He tried to scrub years of dirt off of his body, he couldn’t remember the last time he had a long, hot shower.

When he finally stepped out of the shower, he wrapped the softest towel he has ever felt around his body. He unlocked the bathroom door and stepped into his bedroom, and made his way over to where his backpack was laying on the ground. He grabbed a clean pair of boxers, a pair of jeans with holes in the knees, not for design but from wear, and a baggy t-shirt with a logo that was so faded Alex had no idea what it was originally supposed to say. He hung the towel up in the bathroom and decided to pull his hair back into a low bun that sat at the nape of his neck.

By the time he was done with everything, it was nearly eight am, and Alex decided that it was late enough to emerge from his bedroom. He poked his head out of his room slightly, and while he didn’t see anyone, he smelled bacon wafting up from downstairs, and began to head towards the wonderful smell. When he finally made it into the kitchen, he was surprised to find Aaron was the source of the delicious smell. Aaron hadn’t noticed him standing in the doorway, he was too distracted by the omelet that was cooking on the stove.

Alex walked over to the fridge and pulled out the jug of orange juice, but he realized he had no idea where the cups were, and decided that he should just ask Aaron instead of walking around like a lost puppy.

“Aaron?” Aaron jumped slightly, and turned around to stare at Alex. Alex shifted under his gaze, but soon Aaron broke out into a large grin and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes?”

“Where are the cups?” Aaron smiled at gestured towards the right cupboard, and Alex smiled appreciatively before going over and filling himself up a glass of orange juice. He walked over to the table where there was a bowl filled with muffins, and he wanted to take one, but didn’t want to get into trouble for having food that wasn’t provided for him. Even though it didn’t seem like the Washingtons were home, there was still a chance that Aaron would nark on him. Foster siblings were supposed to have your back, but Alex had learned the hard way to fend for himself, because no one was going to stick up for him.

When Aaron came and sat down, he was holding two plates and set one down in front of Alexander. It smelled amazing, with a stack of pancakes and a couple pieces of bacon on top of a pile of scrambled eggs. He looked up at Aaron, who had bacon and an omelet on his own plate, sipping a glass of ice water.

“Wha- you didn’t- I’m fine.” Alex stammered, looking at Aaron with disbelief in his eyes. No one gave him anything unless they had to. Aaron didn’t have to make breakfast, he was fine surviving off of two meals, he’s gone days without eating before. Money was something Alex has never had a lot of, yet here he was.

“Alexander, just eat the food. You’re too skinny, if I didn’t feed you Martha would bust my ass.” Alex flinched slightly at his words. Aaron must have noticed, because he was quick to clarify.

“She wouldn’t actually, she would just make sure to give you double portion sizes so she was sure you were eating enough. Laf hates when I make breakfast for him, claims I’m an awful cook.” Alex nodded and dug his fork into the pile of eggs and sighed, because it was absolutely heavenly. He was quick to eat them all, before taking a few bites of bacon and attacking the pancakes with the same amount of force. He was done way before Aaron, and looked up at him with a shy smile.

“Well, I think you’re an amazing cook. Those were the best eggs I’ve ever had in my life.” Aaron looked at him with a small smile.

“Thanks, I can once again, tell Laf to suck it. He’s the only one who doesn’t appreciate my skills.”

“You – how do they say- ain't got no skills.” Suddenly Laf was standing in the middle of the kitchen, and walked over to pat Aaron on the shoulder before sitting down next to him.

“You know perfectly well how to say aint, don’t even pretend you don’t you French fuck.” He grabbed a muffin out of the bowl and began nibbling on it. Aaron reached over and grabbed the muffin out of Lafs hand, causing a loud “hey!” in protest. Laf reached over and tried to grab the muffin but Aaron just held it out of his reach, from where he was sitting.

“I made these muffins, if you don’t appreciate my talents, you don’t get one.” Aaron said as Laf climbed on top of Aaron's lap, trying to reach the muffin. While Laf was taller than Aaron, Aaron seemed to much quicker, and would move it away just in time.

Suddenly, Aaron threw the muffin towards Alex, who reflexively reached up and caught it before it crashed into his face. Both Aaron and Laf turned to look at Alex, who decided the best course of action would be to shove the whole thing in his mouth. Aaron burst into laughter, while Laf just glared at him from his position on Aaron's lap.

Once Alex had finished swallowing everything, Aaron was still laughing, while Laf was still staring at him. Suddenly, Alex felt guilty, he had pissed off his foster brother. The Washingtons obviously like Lafayette more, he had been there longer, and so there was no way they would want to keep someone who pissed Lafayette off. He put his shaking hands in his lap, hoping to conceal the rising panic from the boys.

“S-sorry.” Alex stuttered.

“What are you sorry for mon ami?”

“For eating your muffin, I shouldn’t have, I should’ve just given it back.”

“Alexander, look at me.” Alex looked up to see Laf looking at him, but his expression was much softer than it was before. He had also moved back into his own seat and was now picking at a new muffin.

“Do not worry about it, I am not mad. I will just convince Aaron to make more blueberry muffins.” Alex nodded apprehensively, not sure if Laf was just messing with him, getting him to think he was safe, that way when he was yanked out of this placement, it would hurt all that much more.

Suddenly, there was the slamming of a door and someone started yelling, “Lafayette and Aaron, please remind me why the fuck I’m up before noon.” Alex looked at the two boys sitting across the table, who both seemed to perk up at the new voice.

“John practically lives here so George just ended up giving him a spare key.” Aaron murmured before yelling,

“We’re in the kitchen and you’re awake because you love us!” Alex flinched slightly at the booming quality of Aaron's voice. Alex didn’t have long to let the panic set in, because soon his breath was taken away for a different reason. Standing in front of him was the most beautiful boy he has ever seen. He had beautiful, curly brown hair that was pulled back into a messy bun, but a few stray strands had fallen out, framing his face. His face was sun kissed, and sprinkled with freckles, with big hazel eyes, that seemed to be staring right back at Alex. Alex could feel his cheeks get warm, and so he dropped his gaze down onto his fidgeting hand. The boy – John – cleared his throat before speaking, walking over to sit at the head of the table.

“So, uh, who is this?” Alex looked up to see John was looking directly at him, but his voice got caught in his throat. Luckily, Aaron came to his rescue.

“This is Alexander Hamilton. Alex, this is John Laurens.” John smiled at Alex, and Alex thought he would melt right there. He wanted to make John smile all the time, because it felt like the angels were singing when he was.

“It’s nice to meet you Alex.” John's voice was so soothing, his slight southern drawl made Alex almost thankful he was in the south. Alex still couldn’t speak, he felt as if he would say something incredibly stupid. He just smiled at John, and he could see the confusion in John's eyes, and Alex wanted to curl up into a ball.

“John, where’s Hercules? I thought he was coming with you.” Laf asked suddenly, taking the attention off of Alex, and he was so thankful for the Frenchman’s ability to sense whenever he was in distress. John looked at Lafayette and just shrugged his shoulders.

“Said he was gonna drive himself over here, hell if I know why.” John then reached over and grabbed the rest of Aaron's water and chugged it in one go.

“What the fuck Laurens?” Aaron asked, playfully punching him in the shoulder. John just shrugged again, and gave Aaron an innocent smile.

“I was thirsty.” He said simply.

“That’s not the only thing you’re thirsty for.” Lafayette said, causing Aaron to burst into laughter again, and causing a deep blush to make its way to his cheeks.

“I don’t know what y’all are talkin about.” He murmured.

“Sure you don’t mon tortue.” _My turtle_? Alex wondered if he translated Lafayette correctly, but his assumption was confirmed when John let out an exaggerated groan.

“I was obsessed with turtles for one semester of 8th grade, yet you refuse to let me live that down. You are such a stale baguette.” Aaron hasn’t stopped laughing during the whole exchange, and suddenly there was another, much deeper, much louder voice that made Alex freeze.

“Did he call you a turtle again?” Another boy walked in, while he wasn’t as tall as Lafayette, he was extremely built, and that fact alone caused Alex's heart rate to increase. He closed his eyes and gripped the arms of the chair tightly as he tried to control his breathing. The conversation continued on without him, but he couldn’t hear anything beside the blood pounding in his ears.

_In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_

_In un, deux, trois, out un, deux, trois_

When he opened his eyes, he found that everyone except for Aaron had left the room, and Aaron had some kind of classical music playing from his phone. When Aaron noticed him, he gave Alex a warm smile.

“Hercules is quite an intimidating person, but don’t worry, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. Just think of him as an oversized teddy bear.” Alex nodded his head, and released the death grip he had on the chair and drank the rest of his orange juice in one gulp. When he was done, both him and Aaron got up a cleared the table, and put all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, giving Alex a little more time to calm down. Alex followed Aaron to the back living room, where everyone else had gone to watch TV while Alex had his little freak out.

When they walked into the room, John was the first one to stand up and came over to them, concern displayed brightly in his eyes.

“Are you alright Alex?” Alex just nodded, still not trusting himself to talk. John gave him a sad smile when Laf came up and wrapped an arm around John's shoulders.

“Alright, we should go do our shopping. That’s the reason we are all here, is it not?” Everyone gave small a small ‘yes’, except for Alex who just nodded. Hercules was suddenly at Lafayette's side, and stuck his hand out for Alex to shake.

“I’m Hercules Mulligan, but please, just call me Herc.” Alex hesitantly shook Herc’s hand, which was calloused and firm, yet soft and gentle at the same time.

“Alright, we’re taking your car right babe?” Herc said, looking at Lafayette. _Babe_?

“Yes mon amour, so let us go.” Laf grabbed Herc’s hand, and lead him out of the room, with John and Aaron following, talking about some movie Alex had never heard of, and Alex following quietly behind the quartet.

Herc and Laf sat in the front, while Aaron and John made Alex sit in the middle because he was the smallest out of the three of them. While they were all relatively the same height, Alex was by far the skinniest. He really didn’t like being squished in between two people, but felt like if he complained he would just make everyone mad. So he sat there, while Aaron texted on his phone, and John sang very loudly to whatever song was on the radio.

When they finally pulled up in front of a huge shopping mall, everyone practically threw themselves out of the car, except for Alex. He got out slowly, dread growing with every step he took. What if this was all some elaborate joke, and they were gonna punish him for spending money?

The four boys were walking multiple steps in front Alexander, and showed no signs of slowing down. Lafayette had somehow ended up on Herc’s back, and the latter didn’t seem to mind the large Frenchman on him. Aaron and John were walking with their arms linked, laughing about something that Alex hadn’t heard. They were having so much fun, without him. They didn’t need him, he was just their tagalong that Martha made them bring. They stopped at the entrance of the mall, and Alexander wasn’t paying attention, and ran into John's back. He turned around and gave Alex a small smile.

“Okay, so where would you like to start?”

“I’ve, uh, never been to a mall before?” All four people turned around to gape at him, before Lafayette spoke up, once again taking the attention off of Alex. _How did he keep doing that_?

“Martha gave us a list, and first stop is a phone.” He said, and started walking deep in the mall. John reached out his hand for Alex to grab, and Alex hesitantly accepted his hand. John's hand was warm, and he had this dopey smile on his face when Alex grabbed his hand, that it filled his stomach with hundreds of butterflies.

They spent the rest of the day like that, John holding his hand as they went from store to store, buying so much Alex felt like throwing up. Alex stopped looking at the price as they checked out, it only elevated his anxiety, buying things he didn’t need. No one was this unconditionally nice, he just knew there had to be a reason. Whenever he could feel his breath start to quicken, John would squeeze his hand, grounding him.

Alex didn’t let go of his hand until John had to leave, and he noticed John looked almost reluctant to let go of his hand as well. Alex was left alone with piles of bags that held everything he could ever want or need. The new phone was burning a hole in his pocket, Aaron was eager to set it up for him, programming every ones numbers into it. Lafayette had picked out a phone case with a bunch of different kinds of constellations on it.

They had essentially bought him a whole new wardrobe, and Alex was just glad that he didn’t have to pick any of it out. He said he did want to, so everyone else went around and found clothes that would look good on him and then looked for his approval, before buying it. They estimated his size, and said if anything didn’t fit that they would take it back for him.

He finally fell asleep that night, dreaming of a beautiful freckled face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did i make an In the Heights refrence? Yes, yes i did. i am trash for in the heights.  
> John is such a beeb  
> Please comment and tell me what you think!! <3


	3. Chapter 3

Alex wasn’t quite sure why Laf and Aaron continuously insisted on him meeting all of their friends. He wouldn’t be here for very much longer, he knew something would happen and they would just throw him out. Or the glass ceiling would shatter and the true nature of the Washington’s would come out. He knew this place was too good to last, nothing good ever lasted for him. Anything that would’ve given him any kind of happiness was always ripped from him fingers, and never given back.

However, that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy these things while they lasted. Alex leaned very quickly he could always count on Lafayette to take his mind off of things. The Frenchman had some weird sixth sense about knowing when he would start to spiral into panic. Alex had climbed into Lafs bed a few times and had the other boy braided his hair while they watched Netflix until he calmed down or fell asleep.

Whenever Alex was in already in full blown panic, Aaron was who he wanted to see. The younger boy always talked to him until Alex calmed down, and somehow had always made reassuring comments about whatever had sent him into the panic in the first place. He was also teaching Alex how to cook, because his food was amazing. Sometimes he cooked dinner for all five of them, and would always answer Alexs questions, no matter how dumb Alex thought they sounded when he asked them. He was really starting to trust Aaron.

Hercules was hard to get used to at first, he was twice the size of Alex, and everything about him made Alex want to start hyperventilating. Then he got to know Herc, and found out that he was the sweetest, biggest teddy bear Alex had ever met. He and Lafayette were dating, and Alex quickly learned that they were the most disgustingly sweet couple he had ever met. Herc had begun to give Alex fashion tips because “you can dress a mess, but at least be a color coordinated mess.”

Then there was John. John Laurens. Beautiful John Laurens. Star sprinkled John Laurens. Every time he and John were in the same room, Alexs stomach was constantly filled with butterflies, and John was the one person Alex was sure he could spend every second with, and not get sick of him. Alex really, really liked John. He liked everything about John. He liked the way John smelled – like coconuts and coffee – and the way his voice sounded, with his slight southern accent – it turns out John grew up in South Carolina. He liked Johns laugh and Johns hands. He liked everything about John, and sometimes he even thought that maybe John liked him too. He wouldn't think about his feeling for very long, he knew that having a relationship with anyone would end badly when he was eventually moved to a new home.

Alex quickly learned that no one in their friend group was straight, which instantly made Alex more comfortable. Nevis was very heteronormative, and so Alex had learned to push away the feelings he got for boys, and only focused on those he had for girls. It wasn’t until he had come to New York that he even learned there was a word for how he felt. _Bisexual_. His mother was very supportive of his sexuality, but he learned to not talk about it in the foster homes he was in, he got the shit beaten out of him for liking boys on more than one occasion.

However, the Washingtons were different. Lafayette was pan and Aaron was bi also. Herc and John were both gay, and the Washingtons loved talking to them about all the “cute boys” they saw. They were open and accepting, and one day, about a week of almost constant hanging out with the boys, Alex just blurted out that he was bi. They were watching a movie, and Alex just felt like he couldn’t keep it in any longer. Everyone looked at him for a second before they all broke out into big smiles, and Aaron thrust his fist in the air and yelled, “I am no longer in the minority!” They then went back to watching their movie like nothing had happened.

It had been about a 3 weeks after Alex had moved in with the Washingtons when a big storm hit. Alex was lying on his bed, reading one of the books George had let him borrow out of his study. It was about a spy ring during the American Revolution it was really interesting, and Alex was so engrossed in the novel that he hadn’t noticed that it started raining.

He noticed when a large boom of thunder made the house shake, and Alex froze. He dropped the book, and it bounced off the edge of the bed and clattered onto the floor, but he didn’t notice. He was back on the island, all he could hear was screams being carried by the wind. The water was rising, the roof of their little house was torn clean off, and trees were being ripped out of the ground and thrown miles away. Water was pouring down so hard it felt like sharp needles poking his entire body a million times. Bodies were floating past him, his friends, people he’s known all his life. He couldn’t breathe, all he felt was water filling his lungs, choking him.

He could hear his name among the screams, but soon the screams were gone, but his name was still being said.  
  
He wasn’t on Nevis, he was in his bedroom in Virginia. He was curled up in someone's lap, with the person rubbing soothing circles on his back. When he pulled away, he noticed the person was Aaron, who smiled softly at him.

“How do you feel?” He asked softly, and Alex just shrugged his shoulders, not trusting his voice right now.

“Have you ever dissociated before?” _Dissociated?_ Is that what that was called? It happened during bad storms, like the one that took everything from him. He nodded his head slowly, answering Aarons question. Aaron adjusted their position slightly, so they were leaning back against the headboard, but Alex didn’t move from his position in Aarons lap, and Aaron didn’t seem to have any intention on moving him either.

“What brought on this attack?” He asked, returning to rubbing circles on his back, effectively trying to keep him grounded.

“The storm.” He replied, his voice cracking slightly. Aaron just nodded, and didn’t ask any further questions. That’s one thing Alex was extremely grateful for, was Aaron never pressured him to talk about anything. They stayed like that for a little while longer, until Lafayette came bursting into the room.

“Aaron, where the hell did you go?” He then saw Alex curled up in Aarons lap, and just held up one finger before leaving the room. He returned a few minutes later with his laptop and a stuffed Eiffel Tower and promptly flopped down on the bed next them. He opened his laptop and began to playing a cooking show called Chopped.  
  
Drained from his attack, it didn’t take very long for Alex to fall asleep, in between two people he trusted to most.

//

Alex woke up slowly, blinking multiple times, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes. He was in his room, but was squished in between two warm bodies that he normally wouldn’t have woken up with. A big puff of curly hair was tickling the back of his neck so he knew that was Lafayette, and so he was cuddled up next to Aaron, drooling slightly on his shirt. He remembered what had happened last night, but didn’t feel any of the lingering panic. He was warm, and content to stay curled up in between the two people he trusted the most.

He quickly realized that he really needed to use the bathroom, so he wiggled his way out from the warm cocoon he was in, and made his way into his bathroom. Once he was done, he brushed his teeth and pulled his hair back into a messy bun. When he stepped back into his room, Aaron was no longer lying there, and Laf was spread out, taking up virtually the whole bed. He smiled and decided to head downstairs and try and grab something to eat for breakfast.

When he walked down into the kitchen, Aaron was standing in front of the stove, flipping pancakes. He didn’t notice when Alex walked into the kitchen, so Alex snuck up and hugged him tightly from behind. When he wrapped his arms around the younger boy, Aaron jumped slightly, causing the pancake he was flipping to fly off the spatula and land on the floor behind them.

For a few seconds Alex has a moment of panic, before Aaron starts laughing. Alex lets out the breath he was holding, and started laughing with him. Alex went over and picked the pancake up off the floor and threw it away. He grabbed a cup of coffee and sat on the counter as Aaron continued cooking.

“How’re you feeling this morning?”

“A little tired, but okay.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Aaron nodded his head, and didn’t say anything for a few seconds.

“Do you want some pancakes?”

“When wouldn’t I?” Aaron chuckled and handed the plate full of finished pancakes to Alex, who took three off and began to eat them. It was Saturday, and so George and Martha were the next people awake and in the kitchen.

“Alex honey, please sit at the table.” Martha said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Alex moved to sit at the table, and was quickly joined by Martha and George with their own plates of pancakes.

“How did you sleep boys?” George asked, and Alex and Aaron looked at each other before Alex responded.

“Well.”

“Yeah, not bad.” George and Martha looked at them curiously, but didn’t say anything about it. Lafayette joined them not too long after that, sitting at the table, eating some Greek yogurt.

“Maman, papa, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course sweetie.”

“The Schuyler sisters got back from their trip and have shaken their jet lag, and i was wondering if they, along with Herc and john, come spend the night and watch movies and play board games?” George and Martha looked at eachother, and held a silent conversation that none of the boys understood. After a few seconds Martha smiled and turned her attention back to Laf.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Laf smiled triumphantly and pulled out his phone typing something before going back to his yogurt.

//

They set up Lafayettes room to be the hub of the night. Blankets and pillows were set up and spread out all around the floor, so all nine of them could sit and lay comfortably. John had come over early in the day, and so he and Alex were cuddled up under a blanket watching YouTube videos on Johns phone. Laf had gone downstairs to answer the door, and Aaron was sorting through the massive pile of movies by the TV. Alex was laughing about the cats on Johns phone, when a very loud voice called from the doorway.

“Jonathon Laurens if you don’t get your ass over here and hug me right now, I won’t talk to you anymore!” Alex looked over to find a girl standing in the doorway. She had thick curly hair, much like Johns, pulled back in a half up half down hairstyle, wearing a black jean skirt and a yellow top that said ‘Fries Before Guys’. He saw that when John looked at her, his eyes lit up and quickly pulled the covers off of them and sprung to his feet. He ran over and pulled the girl into a big hug, picking her up and spinning them in a circle.

“I’ve missed you so much Peggy!” She giggled as John spun her around, and when he set her down, Aaron quickly pulled her in for a hug too. Laf and Herc returned with two other girls following behind them. John and Aaron hugged both girls also, as they yelled variations of “I missed you” “so nice to see you”. Alex didn’t move from his position on the floor, still a little anxious about the three loud new strangers.

The other two girls were just as beautiful as the first, one of them was wearing a soft blue sundress and had her hair in a side braid, and the other was wearing a pink crop-top, that showed her belly button ring, and simple light jean shorts with her hair slicked back in a tight ponytail. _So these are the famous Schuyler sisters? He thought to himself_.

Once the group reacquainted themselves with each sister, they all settled back into the spots they were in previously. John sat back down next to Alex, and when he looked at him, his face lit up again.

“Guys, come meet Alex!” He said, presumably to the sisters, because he was still staring at Alex with a big goofy smile on his face. The one John called Peggy skipped over to where they were seated and plopped down right down next to Alex, dramatically putting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m Margarita Schuyler, but you can call me Peggy. John has told me all about you.” She said, and Alex could feel her smile on his shoulder. He looked over at John with an eyebrow raised, and noticed the faint blush on his cheeks.

“Stop teasing the poor boy. I’m Eliza, it’s really nice to meet you.” The girl in blue said and she reached her hand out for Alex to shake. He did, and noticed just how soft her hands were and was tempted to ask what moisturizer she used. Realizing that might sound a little creepy, he decided against it. She laid down on the bed, and put her head in Lafs lap. Finally the last girl approached him. She squatted so they were eye level, and just stared at him for a few seconds. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she smiled.

“Angelica, you seem okay I guess.”

“Thanks?” She smiled and went to where Aaron was sorting through the DVDs. They ended up choosing the first Pirates of the Caribbean, and when they announced the name, John looked at Alex and smiled.

“Are you a pirate of the Caribbean?” Alex just rolled his eyes, and focused his attention back on the beautiful Keira Knightly.

After it was over, Eliza hopped up and chose the next movie. When she popped it in and the singing started, almost everyone in the room groaned.

“Seriously Liza?”

“Les Mis is an amazing movie okay, fight me.”

“Also Aaron Tveit is really hot, so y’all can suck it.” John called, effectively shutting everyone else shut up. Truthfully Alex had never seen this movie, but he had actually read the book. There was a small library in Nevis, and only had the classics. Why wouldn’t he read the thickest book there?

He found the movie to be absolutely stunning, crying on more than one occasion. That’s when the pizza arrived, and everyone raced downstairs to grab as many slices as they could. Alex waited until everyone else got what they wanted before grabbing his own piece.

After they ate through 5 boxes of pizza, they went back upstairs and John picked the movie. He picked out Tangled, and while Alex was enjoying it, he was also extremely tired. Stomach full, wrapped in a warm blanket, cuddled up against a cute boy, honestly nothing could make it better. So he fell asleep, surrounded by people he was hoping he could call his family. He wanted this placement to last. He didn't want to be taken away from these people, they made him feel safe after all the shit he had been through. He hoped, for once in his life, that this wouldn't be taken away from him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Schuyler sisters!  
> Did I make a reference to the Culper spy ring, and essentially Turn? Yes, yes I did  
> Please comment and tell me what you think <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang, this took me way longer than it should've. It's also much shorter than all the other chapters. Sorry about that.

The rest of the summer went by in a breeze for Alexander. Most days were spent hanging out with the boys and the Schuyler sisters, and they usually ended in late night movie marathons. They spent days in the park, playing on the swings, laying in the grass, and blasting music so loud anyone else at the park got annoyed and left. Most of the time Alex would lay and watch John drawing, and he was amazed. Most of the time he wasn't watching what John was drawing, rather he was watching John himself.

He watched the way his tongue hung slightly out of his mouth when he was concentrating, how he would get pencil on his face by accident, and just other adorable things that made his heart flutter. Alex was having the time of his life, and every night all of the fun that he was having only made the gnawing feeling of anxiety that sat at the bottom of his stomach grow.

It grew because he wanted everything to last. He didn’t want to lose all the friends he had made, and didn’t want all the wonderful memories he was making to suddenly be all that he had left. So while he was laughing without a care in the world, there was also a voice in the back of his mind telling him to be careful, because this bliss wouldn’t last.

School was about to start up again, and Alex was probably the only one out of his friend group who was excited about going back to school. He thrived off of all the information he learned, and loved to get confirmation that all of his hard work was paying off. Getting an A on a paper was a high that Alex couldn't recreate.

School was always an escape for him, allowing him to bury his face in a book and shut out the rest of the world. When things got particularly bad at one of his homes, he would set up shop at the local library until it closed, and shut out all the bad things that would go on around him. He didn’t think that he would have to hide from his problems at this house, having a backup plan just in case was always comforting.

The Sunday night before school started, Alex was awake for most of the night. There were a million thoughts running through his mind, and he couldn't find a way to just shut his brain off. He knew he would have friends this time, John, Lafayette, Hercules, Aaron and Eliza were all in 11th grade with him, Angelica was in 12th, and Peggy was in 10th. He knew they would all be there to help him adjust, but there was still a small part of him that though of the worst case scenario. There was a part of him that was convinced that they would all abandon him as soon as they stepped foot in the school.

It was that part of him that kept him up, until he finally crashed around 3am.

//

His alarm was blaring some song from Les Miserable that Eliza must have set up for him. He swears that that girl is obsessed with that musical. Not that Alex didn’t mind listening to her talk endlessly about all different aspects of the musical. He liked knowing that someone was allowed to talk as much as they wanted, and that someone would be there to listen to them. The thought gave him the confidence to speak more around the group.

If his alarm didn’t wake him up, and excitable Frenchman jumping onto his bed would’ve done the job just as well.

“Alex wake up! School starts today!” Lafayette yelled, practically right in Alex’s ear. Alex tried to push the taller boy off of him, but Laf wasn’t budging.

“Laf, you’re literally suffocating me.”

“Sorry mon ami.” Laf said as he climbed off of Alex, allowing the smaller boy to sit up and rub the remaining sleep out of his eyes.

“What are you planning on wearing?” Laf asked walking over to Alex’s closet.

“Uh, i don't know?” Laf turned around with a look of disbelief on his face. Alex just shrugged his shoulders and Laf sighed before turning around and digging through his closet. He pulled out a few items of clothing and through them at Alex before walking out of the room with a quick, “wear your hair down,” thrown over his shoulder.

Alex looked at the clothes Laf had picked, and he had to admit that the other boy had done a good job. It was a dark green sweater, with a short sleeve dark gray shirt and dark jeans that Alex would have to roll the ankles a bit because they were too long.  
He got up and took a quick shower, brushed his teeth, a took a brush through his hair, trying to detangle to birds nest. He got dressed, slipping on a pair of black vans, grabbing his backpack, and heading downstairs.

He walked into the kitchen to find Aaron nursing a cup of coffee with his eyes closed, Lafayette eating a bowl of cereal, bobbing his head to the music playing through his headphones, and Martha and George reading different parts of the newspaper, drinking coffee with toast and a bagel.

Alex walked in, grabbed a yogurt out of the fridge, poured himself a cup of coffee, and sat down next to Aaron. He ate his breakfast in silence before tapping Aaron on the shoulder, startling the other boy out of what must’ve been a quick nap.  
“You okay man?” Alex asked as Aaron blinked awake, adjusting to his surroundings.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just tired.” He replied, taking a sip of his coffee to avoid having to elaborate. Alex looked at him, not quite believing him, but letting the subject drop. After a few more minutes, Laf stood up and put his bowl away, and grabbed Alex and Aarons arms, pulling them out of their seats.

“Come on, we do not want to be late to our first day of school.” He said giving both George and Martha a quick kiss on the head, before grabbing his keys and bounding out the front door.

“Have a good day boys!” Martha called after them as Alex and Aaron followed Lafayette at much more reasonable pace.

//

They pulled up to the school, parking in the student parking lot and Alex looked at the school with his mouth hanging open. The school was the biggest that Alex had ever attended, and there were hundreds of students flowing into the front doors.

“Come on Alex, we are going to meet Herc and the Schuyler's before first period.”

“What about John?” Alex asked quickly, struggling to keep up with Lafayette's long strides. Laf looked back at Alex and wiggled his eyebrows, causing Alex to blush and look down at his feet.

“Laurens is a varsity football player. They have morning practices because football is their first period.” Aaron explained.

“He plays football?”

“Yeah, he’s a damn good quarterback.” Herc said as they had now reached the group sitting at a table in the busy cafeteria. Laf took a seat in between Hercules and Eliza, Aaron sat in the empty chair next to Peggy, and Alex sat next to him, with Angelica on his other side.

“Okay, so I took the liberty of gathering everyone's schedules from the office, so here you guys go.” Eliza said as she passed the stack of schedules around, everyone taking the own with their names on it. They all compared schedules, and Alex had at least one of them in all of his classes, which he was relieved about.

They were all chattering amongst themselves when someone in a bright purple suit jacket that almost made Alex have to squint his eyes approached the table and put his arm around Angelica's shoulders.

“Angie baby, why didn’t you invite me to sit with y’all.” He said, his southern drawl clearly exaggerated.

“Uh, probably because you’re a big bag of dicks.” She replied, smacking his hand away.

“You wound me darlin’.” He said, laughing slightly.

“Fuck off Jefferson.” Herc said, all the joy that was in his voice just a few minutes ago was gone. Jefferson looked around at everyone at the table, who were all glaring at him, until his eyes landed on Alex.

“Ah who is this, found some lost pup to join your group of runts?” He smirked

“Al-alexander Hamilton.” _Dammit_. God, why did he have to stutter.

“P-pleasure meeting you.What’re you so stupid you can’t even talk right?” Jefferson mocked. Alex looked down at his lap, breaking his eye contact with Jefferson, trying to will away the tears that were threatening to surface. Why was this asshole making him cry? He was afraid that this Jefferson kid was right, and all his friends would figure that out too and leave him.

“Alright Jefferson, that’s enough. Leave, or I’ll make you.” Herc said, standing up in an attempt to intimidate the other boy. While Jefferson was taller, Herc was much stockier, and could probably snap Jefferson in half. Jefferson backed away with his hands in the air, a smirk still plastered on his lips.

“No need to get your panties in a twist Mulligan.” He looked at Alex once more before walking off, and joining another boy at a different table.

Alex rubbed at his eyes in attempt to make the tears go away. Aaron was whispering calming things in his ear while Angelica was rubbing soothing circles onto his back. When he finally calmed down enough, he looked up and looked at everyone concerned faces and simply said,

“Would it be bad if i punched him in the face?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i haven't really been in a good space lately, so i don't know how long the next update will take me, but don't worry I haven't abandoned this fic!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't edited because I'm too lazy so just be warned of possible typos

For the most part, the rest of the day went by just fine after his confrontation with Thomas Jefferson. All of his teachers did some kind of “getting to know you” game, which made Alex’s anxiety progressively worse until he was on the verge of a panic attack in 6th period English class. He has this class with Eliza, who kept sending him worried glances, like she could just tell that something was wrong. He supposes that the fact that she cares should make him feel better, but it somehow just made him feel worse.

He just wanted everyone to stop looking at him. He wanted to go home and curl up under a big pile of blankets and watch Parks and Recreation.

The class felt like it was lasting forever, and his panic was really starting to set in. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like all the walls of the classroom were slowly closing in on him, and he just needed to get out. He raised his hand, and quickly asked if he could use the bathroom. It took all of his self-control to keep from sprinting to the bathroom.

As he entered, he ended up running right into someone, effectively knocking both of them off their feet. Alex quickly scrambled to his feet and apologies sprang from his mouth. All of his apologies got caught in his throat when he saw who he had run into.

Standing in front of him, staring daggers into his forehead, was none other than Thomas Jefferson.

“You’re such a fucking spaz. God, can’t you do anything right?” Jefferson spat, as he shoved Alex up against the tiled wall. He placed his forearm against Alex’s neck, effectively pinning him to the wall.

“You know, I did some research on you. I was curious about the Washington’s newest little charity case. I found this adorable little poem that you wrote about your shitty island, and can I say that I was completely shocked that you actually knew how to write.” Jefferson was much bigger than Alex, and all of Alex’s attempts to push Jefferson off of him were coming up empty.

“I also read about your whore mother. No wonder she died, she wanted to get as far away from your annoying little ass as she could. I don’t blame her; if I was her I would’ve killed myself much sooner than that.” That was the last straw for Alex, no one talked about his mother like that. How dare this dick bag say things like that. Alex quickly brought his knee up in between Jefferson’s leg, forcefully hitting him in the crotch, and successfully got him to loosen his grip on Alex enough that he was able to shove the taller boy away. Alex swung and felt a sense of relief when he felt his fist collide with Jefferson’s face. Jefferson was laying his the floor, moaning in pain, and Alex probably would’ve continued punching him, but another boy walked into the bathroom.

“Thomas, Mr. Seabury is wondering where you went, you’ve been gone for a while.” He managed to say before he saw the scene in front of him.

Alex and the other boy held eye contact for a few seconds before Alex ran. He pushed past the other boy and sprinted out of the bathroom, and didn’t stop or slow down until he was back in front of his classroom.

He stood outside the door for a few seconds, just trying to catch his breath and still his shaking hands. Now that the adrenaline was starting to wear off, he could feel the intense pain radiating from his hand. He looked down at it, and saw that it was starting to turn an unnatural purple color. He ignored the pain, shoved his hand into the pocket on his sweater, and opened the door. He quietly slipped into his seat as the teacher fiddled with something on her PowerPoint.

He avoided Eliza’s concerned stares, and was suddenly extremely grateful that he was ambidextrous, and so he didn’t have to take his throbbing right hand out of his pocket, and cause Eliza anymore reason to be worried about him.  
  
He spent the rest of class lost in his thoughts, Jefferson’s words swirling through his brain. He snapped back to reality when the dismissal bell sounded, and he quickly gathered his things and bolted from the classroom before Eliza chance to interrogate him.

He found his way to aquatic science, which he happened to have with John. He perked up at just the thought of seeing John, who he hadn’t had a class with all day.

Alex was one of the first people to arrive, and so he took a seat in the back of the class, and waited as all the other students slowly trickled in. John was one of the last to arrive, making it through the door just before the tardy bell rang. His eyes quickly scanned the room, and when they landed on Alex he gave him a smile that made Alex’s stomach do somersaults.

He made his way to the empty desk next to Alex, and sat down as the teacher started to talk.

The class was filled with going over the syllabus, but the last ten minutes their teacher cut the students loose to talk amongst themselves. John turned to Alex with a goofy smile grin on his face.

“How was your first day Lex?”

“Lex?”

“What? Is that bad? Should I not have used that?” John looked genuinely concerned that he hurt Alex, and that just made Alex smile.

“Nah, it’s cute. Only you can use it though, okay?” John nodded and smiled at Alex.

“You never answered my question. How was your day?” Alex’s smile faltered a bit, and he had hoped that John didn’t notice, but the look on Johns face told Alex that he had noticed.

“What happened?” Instead of answering, Alex just pulled his hand out of his sweater pocket and held it up for John to see. John’s eyes got really big when he saw the swollen, bruised mess that was Alex’s hand.

“Holy shit Alex.” John said, probably a little too loudly.

“Mr. Laurens, language!”

“Sorry sir.” John said, without taking his eyes off of Alex.

“What the hell happened?” He said, a little bit softer than before.

“I, uh, may have um, punched Thomas Jefferson in the face?”

“Oh my god, that’s probably the best news I’ve ever heard. I’ve wanted to punch that douchebag since the fifth grade. What made you do that?” Alex looked away from his shining face, and tried to make sure reliving Jefferson’s words didn’t send him into panic.

“He was saying some really awful shit about my past and that my mom died just to get away from me and shit and I just couldn’t take it anymore.” He said, all in one breath. He was afraid if he didn’t say it fast enough, that the words would just get caught in his throat and he wouldn’t be able to say them at all. Alex was waiting for John to say something, but the next thing he knew john was leaning over and enveloping him in a tight hug.

When the bell rang, Alex and John were still hugging. The pulled away, and John pulled out his phone, and sent a quick message before grabbing Alex’s hand and directing him out towards the parking lot.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked and john unlocked his car and opened up the door for Alex to hop in his jeep. John walked around and hoped in the driver side and started to pull away.

“I texted Aaron and told him that I’d bring you home later. I’m taking you to my favorite place in town.” That was all he said, and that was all he said. As they drove, John reached over and grabbed Alex’s hand, and just held it as he drove. Alex blushed as John started to rub small circles with his thumb on the back of Alex’s hand.

They pulled up to a small wooded area, and John turned off the car and hopped out. Alex followed behind him, as they made their way through the trees to a clearing in the middle. There was a shining lake in the center, with flowers in the field and birds chirping in the air, and it was the most beautiful place Alex had seen in a long time.

“This place is beautiful.” Alex said, and he looked around at everything, taking in the sunshine. When he looked back at John, he was watching Alex with a small smile. When Alex caught him looking, his freckled cheeks got pink, and he looked away. John sat down in the grass, close to the water, and patted the spot next to him for Alex to join him.  
  
When Alex sat down, John handed him some rocks, and Alex looked down at them confused. He looked back up at John, unsure as to what he was supposed to do with the rocks.

“Have you never skipped stones before Lex?” He asked, grinning brightly at him.

“Uh, no?” John’s smile just got brighter, and he moved so he was sitting behind Alex. Alex’s breathing hitched as John reached around and grabbed his arms. He made the motion of flicking his wrist and throwing the stone so that it skipped on the lake. Truth be told, Alex wasn’t paying attention to what John was trying to teach him, but rather all he could focus on was the warm feeling of Johns arms wrapped around his own, and the sensation of Johns breath down the back of his neck.

Alex turned his head slightly and was nose to nose with John. He could see every hue of his eyes and could practically count his freckles. He saw John’s eyes flicker down to look at his lips, and so he leaned in. To his surprise, John leaned in with him, and they met in the middle. John’s lips were soft, and kissing him filled his gut with a warm fuzzy feeling that he never wanted to lose.

John’s phone began to ring, and just like that the moment was over. They pulled away, and just smiled at each other while John clicked answer on his cell phone.

“Hello?” Alex grabbed his hand and began tracing things into his palm, while John tried to talk on the phone.

“Woah, Laf, calm down, I don’t speak French.” Hearing that, Alex looked over at John with a questioning glance.

“Yeah, we’ll be there soon. Just calm down okay?” With that, John hung up the phone and stood up, pulling Alex up with him as their hands were still connected.

“Laf says you need to get home right now, but he wouldn’t say anything else. Or maybe he did, I’m not sure, I don’t speak French.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular demand, Alex punched Thomas Jefferson.  
> Also, just think of this as the calm before the storm, because after this, everything goes to shit.  
> Please comment and tell me what you think <3


	6. Chapter 6

Whatever Alex thought he was going to see when he and John walked into the house, it definitely wasn’t his social worker Dolley, looking around at everyone around him with pity in her eyes. He wasn’t expecting Martha with tear-stained cheeks, wrapped up in Georges arm as he rubbed comforting circles on her back. He wasn’t expecting a crying Lafayette with his hands running though his hair until it was almost completely out of ponytail. He wasn’t expecting Aaron to be sitting on the floor with his head in his hands and his shoulders shaking in a silent sob.

“Wha-what’s going on?” Alex asked, looking around at the mess surrounding him.

“Alex, sweetie, go pack your things.” Dolley said softly.

“Why? What’s going on?” Alex asked, grabbing Johns hand tighter, not wanting to believe that everything would be taken away from him.

“Well, the Washington’s foster license has expired, and so legally, you can’t stay here anymore. Both Gilbert and Aaron have been legally adopted and so they’re okay, but we have to move you to a new home.” Dolley explained, moving forward to lightly rest her hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting. Alex instinctively took a step back, away from her hand.

“I-I don’t want to leave.” He turned to George and Martha, “Please, don’t let them make me leave.” Martha only seemed to start crying harder. Now that George was facing him, he could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

“We tried Alex, there’s nothing we can do right now. We’re going to go to the CPS office and we’re going to get this sorted out, and we are going to get you back, I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He said, and he pulled his hand out of Johns and ran up to his bedroom, slamming the door and locking it. He pressed his back to the door, and slide down to a sitting position, pulling his knees up to his chest and finally letting the tears flow. Sobbing into his knees, he ignored the knocking on his door and cried until he had nothing left.

He slowly got up and packed very little. He knew whatever house he was going to wouldn’t let him keep any of the things that the Washington’s had gotten him. He left his cell phone on the desk next to the computer, and made sure to grab a couple outfits, and his journal from underneath his pillows, shoving it all into a backpack and opening his door to find John standing there, waiting for him.

John stepped in front of Alex, put his hand on the side of Alex’s face, and pulled him in for a kiss. Alex knew this wouldn’t last. He knew that everything good that happened to him came with consequences. Being able to kiss John was ending with his heart snapping in two. He would go to a new house, in a new city, transfer schools, and never see John again. He had to make the heartbreak happen as soon as possible, so that John would be able to move on sooner. He took a step back, breaking out of the kiss.

“I was stupid to think this was going to last.” He said, so softly he was almost afraid John didn’t hear him.

“What do you mean by that Lex?” He asked, trying to lean back in for another kiss. Alex took another step back, and John didn’t try and mask the hurt expression that made its way onto his face.

“This is what happens when you’re a foster kid. You get yanked out of any place you thought you might belong. You just need to move on John, because no matter what the Washington’s say, I’m not coming back.” He said, looking down at his feet, unable to stare at the pain that had settled on John’s face.

“Alex, don’t say that.” John pleaded

“I’m so sorry.” With that, Alex walked past John and downstairs, walking past Dolley and just heading straight outside and climbing in the unlocked passenger seat of her car. He knew that if he tried to say goodbye to everyone else, he wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

He fiddled with his fingers in his lap and waited for Dolley to get into the driver’s side, start the car, and slowly drive down the driveway. Alex took one last look at the Washington’s, took a deep breath, and stared out of the car window with a stony expression. He was stupid to believe that anything good that happened to him would ever last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is much shorter than usual, but i felt like this was a good stopping place for this chapter.  
> Also, I'm sorry, and things will only get worse in the next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for homophobic slurs

The next house that Alex was placed in was hours away from the Washington’s, and Alex knew there was no way he could ever go back. He was helpless to do anything to make him happy anymore. He just sat in the car and stared out the window, reverting back to his selective muteness, unsure about how the new family he was going to would react to him.

They pulled up to a small house, well not small exactly, but smaller than the Washington’s. There were 3 other kids around Alex’s age already there. The two girls – Maria and Sally- shared a room while Alex was forced to share a cramped room with the other boy, James.

While it didn’t seem like this new house was anything like the other one based on the way the teenagers acted, it wasn’t the Washington’s. He was never going to find something that good ever again. He had it, and he held onto it too tightly, and the family that he had always wanted, slipped right through his fingertips.

The first night there wasn’t as bad as Alex was expecting it to be. The parent’s essentially just left the four of them to fend for themselves, making themselves dinner and then retreating to their bedroom where they didn’t emerge from all night. Maria and Sally explained the way the house worked and where to find everything, while James just sat on the couch and smoked.

After dinner he went to his room and slid his journal under his pillow after he wrote a quick note to his mother.

He didn’t sleep that night. Instead, he just laid awake and thought about all that he had lost.

\--

Two weeks into living at the new house, and Alex fooled himself into thinking that things were going to be okay.

He came back from school and was heading up to his bedroom. When he opened the door he noticed that James was sitting on his bed. James was reading his journal.

Alex felt all the hair leave his lungs, and dropped that water bottle he had grabbed. He lunged for his journal, attempting to grab it out of James hands, but James moved away from his oncoming attack.

“Hey fag. I didn’t realize you were a little homo. What do you do, stare at me when I change?” James growled

“Don’t flatter yourself James, you too ugly for my taste.” Alex replied, reaching for his journal again. James was still too fast for Alex, and moved out of his reach again.

“Fuck you.” James said as he ripped pages out of Alex’s journal. Alex felt like throwing up at the sound of the tearing pages. Alex grabbed the empty shell of his journal, and tried to hold back the tears as he looked around at the shards of paper littering the floor around them.

“Aw, little fairy gonna cry?” James said, and Alex snapped, he lunged at James and landed a blow to his nose. Blood started to pour out of his nose, and there was darkness in his eyes that made Alex take a step back. James reached forward and grabbed Alex by the hair, using it to through him to the floor. He straddled Alex, and began throwing punch after punch, until Alex couldn’t feel anything at all. He was numb, and all the fight had left his body.

He just laid there until James got tired and climbed off of him. He laid there while James went to put ice on his fist. He laid there as James kicked him in the abdomen a couple of times before he passed out on his bed. He just laid there was James snored in blissful sleep.

When he finally pealed himself off of the floor, the world around him spun. He had to sit there for a few minutes, to get used to the pounding in his face before grabbing his backpack, and shoving all of his things into. He grabbed all of the torn papers and carefully placed them inside his journal before putting that in his backpack as well and zipping it closed.

When he started to walk downstairs, he had to grip the railing in fear of tripping over his own feet and tumbling down the hardwood steps. When he reached the base, he saw Maria sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book. She looked up when she heard Alex enter the room, and didn’t try to hide her very audible gasp.

Alex just looked at her, and soon her face gave him a sad smile. She held up a finger, motioning for him to wait, before retreating into the kitchen. She came out a few minutes later with an armful of things. She dropped everything down onto the couch and the first thing she grabbed was what looked like a first aid kit.

“Come here.” She said while motioning to the ottoman the sat in front of the couch. He complied, and she immediately put a cold washcloth onto the parts of his face that felt like they were bleeding. He hissed at the sting, but it went away after a few seconds and was then soothing. She applied antibacterial ointment onto all of his cuts, and made him hold an icepack into both of his sides of his face, where the swelling felt really bad.

She then took his backpack and put three water bottles, two sandwiches, and a package of apple slices into it. She then sat on the couch behind him and ran a hair brush through his messy hair, and skillfully started to style it. When she was done, Alex set an icepack down to feel what it was, and smiled slightly when he found that it was a French braid.

She then took the icepacks, along with everything else, and went to put them back. She reemerged and pulled Alex into a tight hug. He winced slightly at the soreness of his ribs, but hugged back. She gave him a piece of paper, and when he looked at it, it held a phone number.

“Take care of yourself, and every once and a while call me and let me know that you’re okay.” She said softly.

“Thank you Maria.” With that Alex gripped the straps of his bag, and started to walk away from all of his troubles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck James Reynolds.  
> Bless Maria.  
> Hopefully next chapter will be better. <3  
> I live for your comments, they're what motivate me to write. So please, comment and tell me what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

The steady beeping coming from somewhere in the room was really starting to get on Alex’s nerves. He was too tired to get up, and so he tried to lift his arm up to shut off what he assumed was his alarm, but was soon stopped by the needle he now felt shooting something into his veins. He opened his eyes, and was met with the bright white walls of a hospital room. He looked around trying to figure out why he was there, and for some reason, Lafayette was asleep in the chair next to his bed.

The last thing he remembered was sitting in the park, the cool autumn wind whipping through the thin material of the only jacket he owned.

He had been on his own for a few weeks. He had been cold, hungry and lonely. He ran out of money in about a week and a half. He'd been scrounging for whatever he could, staying in warm places for as long as they could before they inevitably kicked him out for not buying anything.

He has no idea how he ended up in the hospital, but he knew that he was going to be okay. Lafayette was there, which meant that the rest of the Washington’s were there as well, and hopefully they would take him home. Maybe George wouldn’t break his promise after all.

Speaking of the rest of the Washington’s, George and Martha walked into the room, along with Aaron and a doctor. When they noticed Alex was awake, Martha practically threw herself across the room, capturing him in a bear hug. Alex was sore, and winced when she latched on. She tried to pull away when she thought she hurt him, but he just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her even closer. He missed her warmth, missed the way she smelled, and he was so relieved to see her that he literally started crying.

When she pulled away, she wiped the tears from his eyes, and he wiped the tears that started forming in hers.

“We were so worried about you, why did you run away?” She asked her voice shaky from crying, but warm and strong. Alex looked away from her gaze, and looked at the others in the room. George one of his arms around Lafayette and the other around Aaron, who were all looking on, tears pooling in their eyes.

“There was a boy in the house that I was living with, he, he uh, he called me a faggot, tore all the pages out of my journal and beat me up. I couldn't stay there, I wasn't safe there, and I had to get out.” He was staring at his hands by the end of it. He still hated thinking about that night.

Martha put her hands over his, and was soon joined by George, Laf, and Aaron, causing Alex to look up at all of them.

“I’m so sorry that that happened to you, and we are going to make sure that you never leave us again.” Alex pulled her into a hug, burying his face into her hair, and sighing contently.

He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow, so I haven't updated in a while. I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words about how I have been feeling, and really allowing me to breathe and grow and get back into the groove of writing. This is a very short chapter, but I really just wanted to get something out for y'all, who have been so patient and kind. I am not sure when the next update will be, but it will contain Alex going back home, and a reunion with the rest of the gang (mainly John).  
> Thank you so much, please comment and tell me what you think, and if you would like, come talk to me on my blog @gayerthanyouthought on tumblr. I have been working on a few other things while taking a break from this one, and there is one that I am really excited about called Island Of Misfit Toys, and if you wanted to read another foster care AU, i would love it if you read that one.


	9. Chapter 9

Home, now that was a strange concept to young Alexander. For years he hasn’t had a home, not really. He was just a stranger living in houses with other people’s families. He hasn’t felt like he belonged in years, and then came along the Washington’s. When they opened up not only their home but also their hearts to him, he had to admit he want sure how to respond.

Not only did they care about him, but they wanted him back. They actually wanted to adopt him, so that nothing like this would ever happen again. They could not tear their family apart again. He would have real parents, not just guardians. He would have brothers. Aaron and Lafayette accepted him and cared about him. Not only did they want him to be their friend, but they wanted him as a brother. They wanted to spend the rest of their lives knowing that they would always be there for each other.  

Alex had never really though past tomorrow, simply trying to get through each day was hard enough, let alone planning for the future. However, now, he was thinking about Christmases years from now, coming home to _his_ _brothers_ and _his parents_ for the holidays. He thought about having a home to come to.

When they returned home, Aaron and Lafayette stayed up all night with him to help tape his old journal back together. It was rough, but legible, and now it always held the memories of laughing at three am with his brothers.  The next day, they went out and bought him a brand new journal, to signify a new chapter in his life. A life where he was loved, and accepted and a part of a real family.

He called Maria later the night he got home, and told her everything. She listened, and after scolding him for waiting so long for calling and making her worry, she told him that she was happy for him. She told him that she got out of that house, and away from James. She was with a nice family now, one with two attentive moms and a young girl who adored Maria and wanted her to stay. They had both found happiness now that the hurricane had passed.

The Schuyler were there when they got home, sitting in Lafayette’s bedroom, anxiously sitting around. When the boys walked in, Alex quickly found himself at the bottom of a dog pile full of floral skirts and curly hair. When the girls finally got up, they were all crying tears, and just filled with elation that Alex had come home. They never got to say goodbye, and they hated the idea that they would never see him again. They spent that evening watching movies, eating pizza and making Alex feel a part of something bigger than himself, echoing the first night that they had met.

Then there was John. Oh his John. His sweet, devoted, and stubborn John. When Alex returned home he thought that John wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He had broken John’s heart when he left, and he thought that John hated him. However, when their black SUV pulled up the long driveway, John was sitting on the front steps, waiting for them.

As soon as Alex unlocked the door, John flew to his feet and wrapped his arms around Alex’s entire body, enveloping him in the biggest hug Alex had ever experienced. Alex would never admit it, but when he realized John was there, holding him, and not letting go, he let silent tears fall. He never wanted John to let go. He whispered small ‘I’m sorrys’ as they held each other, with John replying with a quiet ‘shh, I know. I know I forgive you’ every time. They held hands as they walked up the steps, and entered the front door and finally – Alex was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is it, this is the last chapter, and I hope it meets everyone's expectations.   
> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has supported this fic, put up with my extremely inconsistent updating schedule. This has been a journey, and I've loved every step of it.   
> Thank you for loving my writing, and my take on these characters, and if you want to read more check out my other works. If you want to talk, follow my tumblr, gayerthanyouthought   
> I hope you're doing amazing, and that you enjoy this ending.   
>  -xoxo Maddy


End file.
